Twilight Zone

I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. I am watching someone else's life, someone else's diagnosis. It can't be me, but it is me. Accepting reality has been a challenge. When the Mayo Clinic examined the biopsy and confirmed the diagnosis, I felt like I was playing tag and I actually got caught, rather than slipping out of the grasp of the seeker.  I was hoping small town Iowa pathologist wasn't competent, got it wrong, but it is Stage IV matastic Melanoma and I have to accept it. 

I haven't been feeling well for months, so long I can't really remember. I know planting my garden this spring felt like work, something highly unusual for me where normally working in the yard is invigorating.  Is it possible for a mother of 5 children not to be exhausted, tired and out of breath?  

About a month ago I got a really bad cough, no other symptoms, but it just wouldn't go away.  I went to the doctor, just a virus.  The next week I got even sicker, this time with a fever and a cough. I was at a church baptism with William and I felt awful and knew something wasn't right. I stopped on the way home, with William playing on my phone in the waiting room, the doctor didn't know what was wrong. It didn't sound like pneumonia, but he decided to do a chest X-ray just to make sure everything was ok.   He came back and informed me I had a tumor the size of a tennis ball in my upper left lung, in addition to pneumonia caused by the blockage. I needed a CAT scan and further testing, thus started my Twighlt filled journey.

As I start, my focus is to seek God's strength, having faith in Him, knowing he is a God of miracles.  I want to align my will with His, learn what He wants me to learn, become who He wants me to become. I want to live, I want to be a mother and raise my children. I want to be a wife, daughter, sister and friend.  All of which is possible, I believe, because of God and the love, faith and prayers from many of you, God's earthy Angels. Thank you for everything everyone is doing to support us during this time. 

I will update this blog as we go through this trial. I so appreciate everyone's notes, emails, texts, etc. but it is difficult to respond to all, so please forgive me. 

FYI:

 Here are the email update messages Bill sent our family during the past week.  

September 21, 2015

I wanted to provide a brief update on the latest with Allyson.  We learned about the biopsy analysis this morning from the needle lung biopsy that was completed last Wednesday.   The Pulmonologist called this morning to tell us that the diagnosis is Melanoma cancer that has metastasized to the lung - so the fact that it is in the lung makes the diagnosis Stage 4 cancer.  The Pulmonologist encouraged us to get to the Mayo Clinic as soon as possible for further diagnostics and to determine a treatment plan.   Fortunately,  Omi's Bishop studied and worked at the Mayo clinic so Bishop Allen introduced us today to a Dr. that is the head of Oncology and Radiology at the Mayo Clinic.  Dr. Foote is a BYU grad and is the Stake President in Rochester, MN and has known the Allen's for years.  Dr. Foote is going to look at Allyson's data and determine who at the Mayo clinic is best qualified to provide guidance on the next steps.  We learned that there is no standard therapy for cancer of this kind but that the Mayo Clinic has a significant number of research options that will be able to provide some options for treatment.  Obviously, we have a lot more to assess before we get to that point but we are so grateful for Bishop Allen for opening a big door at the Mayo so quickly.   We are getting all the records put together to send to Dr Foote's office tomorrow.  The office will need 24 hours to assess and then we can have our initial consultation.  So I am optimistic that we may be able to have that visit even yet this week.  If not this week, it will be early next week.  Allyson still has pneumonia and is continuing on antibiotics for now.

 

We sat down with Ruth, Grace, and William tonightafter Ruth/Grace returned from music to share with them the news.  We told them that it was diagnosed as skin cancer that has moved to the lungs and that we were able to get to see one of the best Dr to determine next steps.  We did not discuss risks or other unknowns at this point.  We encouraged them to be open with feelings and that we would maintain open dialogue as we continue this journey.

 

We are feeling shocked by this news and it still feels surreal and how could this be our special Allyson.  We feel support from our ward and neighborhood and are taking this a day at a time for now.  

 

We appreciate your love and prayers.  I will keep you updated as we get new information.

 

Love

Bill

September 25, 2015

We wanted to update you on the latest with Allyson. We received feedback from the Mayo Clinic today after they reviewed all of Allyson's medical data and learned that we will be going to Rochester on Tuesday night for appointments next week on Wednesday, September 30th and  Thursday, October 1st.   On the 30th, the Mayo will do blood work and an MRI.  On the 1st, they will conduct the PET Scan (http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pet-scan/basics/definition/prc-20014301)  The PET Scan will provide the data points of where cancerous tissue exists outside the lung, and hopefully pinpoint more clearly the original origin in the skin.  Later on the 1st, we will meet with the Dr. that will provide guidance on treatment options and next steps.  The Dr's name is Dr. Svetomir Markovic who is one of the principle Melanoma experts at Mayo.  Allyson found the following video that gives some perspective of Dr. Markovic and his Mayo team.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj0FIyt9qzY   The Markovic team is impressive so we feel grateful we are getting some one of the world experts to help us.  We are thankful for Dr Foote (Omi's Bishop's friend) for making this happen.  We are hopeful by this time next week we should have a decent understanding of what the next steps will be and a treatment plan.

 

 We are maintaining an open dialogue at home with our children and so far are feeling strength and peace of mind as we continue to process the surreal shock of this whole situation.  Ruth and Grace have been  "Google-ing" so this has helped drive the conversation.  We are remaining optimistic and hopeful and are maintaining a positive front to our children.  We have maintained our normal busy schedule with the activities of our five children (with lots of help)

 

We are receiving a lot of help and support from neighbors, friends, and Ward members.  Our bishop is going to conduct a Home Teaching, Visiting Teaching Council this Sunday with our HT/VT to coordinate efforts with our Ward family because so many want to help our family.  We feel a lot of love and support and we are truly grateful for so many kind people that are willing to help.

 

John Deere has been very supportive to the Senior levels of the Company for me to take whatever time I need away from work to support our family.  So I have been able to be at home to help and to hopefully ease the pressure for all.  Deere has asked that I maintain leadership for all strategy/finance issues and people issues/decisions and I have delegated all other tasks to my very capable team - so I am grateful for a good team and for my leadership who has been supportive.  I am calling into necessary meetings and my assistant is running traps on all other fronts.  We are in the middle of a year long process to negotiate a new labor agreement with the UAW so that feels pressing but so far we are managing ok on the work front.

 

We are not finalized our planning for next week yet but will update everyone once we have a plan this weekend.

 

Know that we appreciate your prayers of faith, you willingness to help, and know that we will reach out if we need anything.  

 

Please feel free to call me or reply to this email if you have any questions. The Davidson Family has been invited to participate with a Family Fast with the Nemelka's for this Sunday.  I will forward details to call in to start the fast on Saturday.

 

Love,

Bill