"May I take your toilet order?"

Whoa. I was a bit startled when I went to the bathroom and when approaching the toilet, the seat opened by itself. How did that happen? Then I was a bit bowled over (pun intended) when I sat down on the toilet, it was warm. We have all experienced the cold toilet seat in the middle of the night: we shall not experience such barbarism here in the Presidential Suite. (This is a very nice feature until you try potty training your two-year-old and he tells you that he can't sit on the toilet because it is too hot.) It was when I looked for the handle to flush, that I realized this was truly no ordinary toilet. It not only flushed, it cleaned and dried your bottom as well. After experimenting with the different options, I have determined that I shall start an import/export business. I will sell these toilets, not for everyday use, but to hospitals for use in the Maternity Ward. You don't have to gingerly bend over and lift the toilet seat, no more plastic squirt bottle, sitting there waiting for the running sink water to get warm. Oh, no - it is all self contained and ready to use for a women who have just given birth. If that fails, I can sell it to children (or immature adults) as a toy. My girls have gotten plenty of laughs out of experimenting with the different options. I am convinced I will make millions; if I have any readers who would like to invest, just let me know.