I was so grateful I was able to be home this past weekend with my family, to listen to our church leaders in General Conference. I felt strengthened to endure this trial ahead, and endure it the way God wants me to, to learn what I need to learn. I am grateful for family and friends, so many people serving our family. Thank you. A dear friend gave me a sign quoting the scripture, "Be still and know that I am God." I am trying to be still.
I am so grateful for yesterday. It was "normal." It is the first day in over a month that I was well enough to get my kids off to school. I wanted to do it alone before I went back to the Mayo Clinic.
As I was driving Andrew to school I felt free for just a moment, enjoying the dialogue between a three and a four year old about fire trucks. I felt so blessed that I could be there at that moment being a mother. Just like when I held Sam in the emergency room a week earlier, with a split head, just grateful I could be there to hold him when he needed me.
After I got back from dropping off Andrew at preschool, Sammy really wanted to bake with me. He loves to help me in the kitchen. I was feeling exhausted from the morning, so after a small rest Sam and I made banana bread together. He was so proud to share his banana bread with his siblings.
Later, as I layed down, worn out from simply getting my kids off to school and making banana bread, I was angry that such simple things exhausted me, yet grateful I could be there with them.
I am not there with them now. It breaks my heart when Bill tells me Sammy woke up at 2:00 am wanting me. It broke my heart as I left yesterday afternoon for Mayo, Andrew with his big, brown eyes, questioned me,"You sick Mommy? You sick?" And yet, my broken heart is mended when I think of the simple pleasures and joys I had yesterday, taking my kids to school and making banana bread.
"Be still and know that I am God."
You are amazing. I am very grateful to you for sharing your journey. I am sending all the strength I have your way. XOXO Katie
ReplyDeleteBless you dear mother of 5! I don't know how you can cope. It's interesting, I really haven't known you very long and when I did it was only a short time before you moved to China and then when you came back, we moved. However, I have felt a great strength spiritually from you from the first time I met you. I loved listening to you teach Relief Society lessons. I've daily mourned this tragic trial that you are enduring. I think of you every time I get frustrated with my own trials. I feel a little guilty because I'm still drawing strength from you, even now. I hope you know with all your struggles, you are still such a strength!! I wish I lived close enough to come pull weeds, do your laundry, take your kids, or clean something. I am praying for you and your precious family to be strengthened through this trail and that you will continue to live and enjoy special moments with your children. Love, Ginger
ReplyDeleteIt sounds trite -- but truly, so many of my thoughts and prayers have been with you lately. May angels attend you as you make your way through this experience with your dear family. . . I believe they will. Sending lots of love,
ReplyDeleteAnny
I cannot even imagine this roller coaster, Allyson. I've been on the child end of it, but never the mothering end. Your sweet little Andrew has blessed my life today. He has been so kind, patient, loving, helpful and cooperative. And I've learned more than I ever thought I could about Star Wars in just one day! Please take time to be still so you can have energy to get through this. We are all cheering for you!
ReplyDeleteI learned so much from this post. You manage to teach and bless me even in the midst of this unimaginable trial. Thank you for sharing. You are constantly in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThese days, I often think if I were you, how would I feel. I probably would be very angry, want to shout, want to ask why. And after the anger, what will come? One thing I felt most when I read your blog is love. Thank you, Allyson. I believe this feeling will goes to all the prayers for you and your sweet family.
ReplyDeleteYou can't help but teach and strengthen even when you're the one who needs it most. You're amazing. I'm treasuring my moments more because of your experience, and I thank you for sharing, and for letting us serve you. We pray for you constantly. May this week bring more hope.
ReplyDeleteAllyson, Alexis has shared with me the very sudden and hard-to-imagine challenge you're facing right now. She loves you very much. I love you, too, and am praying for you. Your love for your family and friends, your desire to please God, and your strength and optimism are so evident.
ReplyDelete"Trust the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
May you have peace and joy as you walk this path.
Hey Allyson, thanks for sharing your thoughts, feelings and simple treasures. Once again I am in awe as I see things through your eyes. You never cease to amaze me! Love you! Sending continuous thoughts and prayers your way.
ReplyDelete